Nobody is ever 100% prepared to get married. But if you have found someone you can be yourself with, I recommend you make them yours. But marriage is a huge decision and shouldn’t ever be taken in a hurry. If you take a wrong decision you can carry the repercussions of it all your life. How do you know you should get married? You should talk to the other person because love alone won’t work everything out all the time. Here are some things to discuss with your partner before thinking of marriage.
Before you start nodding your head and closing the tab, let me tell you that healthcare, education, and housing doesn’t take love as a currency. So even though you both love each other to the moon and back, financial matters can ruin a relationship beyond repair. So before you decide to take the plunge talk about all financial matters. Your pays, your debts, your savings and how do you plan your future together. This will help you get an idea about the things that you need to work on in the present and future. Without this, you could just be getting in a lot of trouble when financial problems come knocking.
Starting a family
The time has changed. Not everyone feels the same about having children. Don’t avoid this topic till it’s too late. Imagine marrying someone only to realize that they don’t share your beliefs when it comes to kids. You can start by asking whether they want to have children, how many children they want and how much time apart? Once you are clear you should also talk about how you both feel about fertility treatment, surrogacy etc. The world has changed but it’s not necessary everyone shares the same opinion as you. When it comes to a big decision, knowing is better than assuming. The difference in opinion on a family is an important point when it comes to marriage.
It could be failures, heartbreaks or addiction. Everyone has the past but it shouldn’t be a secret to the person who you are starting a future with. You could have a past addiction to alcohol, drugs or anything else. Things may be in control now but your partner needs to know so they can keep it in check. These things, when coming as a surprise, can be big enough to destroy our marriage. Also, talk about all the failures and relationships that affected you in different ways and give them a safe space to share theirs without judgment. When there will be no secrets then things will be easier to deal with. Put your past on the table and walk into your future with your partner.
Another thing we tend to assume about each other rather than talking about. We need to talk about what kind of living conditions our partner would be comfortable living in. Do they want to stay in the same city or move away? Do they want to take a bigger apartment for the future? Are there any plans to move abroad in the future? Do they want to permanently settle there in the future? All these questions are generally assumed which leads to discontentment and dissatisfaction. To avoid this in future it’s better to discuss and sort out all the things before taking the big leap.
Reasons to get married
Before you start getting confused let me tell you that a lot of marriages fail because they think that they rushed into the marriage. The question is not ‘why we should get married’ rather ‘why we should get married right now.’ This will help you understand your and your partner’s reasons for getting married right now. This will also help you understand how long of engagement period you need with each other. The idea is not to be judgemental and defensive in these conversations. The more open and honest you are the more benefits you’ll reap later. I know these conversations feel threatening to the relationship but when done right they actually build it up.
Also, you don’t need to ask these question altogether. You can keep discussing them when you get serious about each other. So, this seems natural rather than forced. Hope it helps.