One of my favorite writers, John Steinbeck wrote, “Knowing a man will never lead to hate and almost always lead to love.” It’s with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding that we learn to love someone. Love is like an endless journey in which you keep learning something new as you get acquainted with its various phases. People who say that they never want to love again or people who think love is a total waste of time or people who think they would never find love are just in their learning phases of love. The day they empty their cup love would be there to give them something new. But for that, you need to learn and accept some harsh truths too. Here are a few that I have gone through personally.
1. To find love you have to risk being hurt
Bob Marley said “If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing.” This is so true for almost anything we want in life but let’s talk about love for now. One heartbreak and you start on the path of hatred. You start making promising that you would never love again. You start calling love total utter bullshit. But if finding love would be so easy you would never value it. To find the prince you have to kiss a few frogs. If you got hurt while loving someone, it means the person you loved was wrong but love is always right. So risk it because, in the end, it will all be worth the suffering.
2. You can’t make a person fall in love with you
One of the major reasons we get hurt, while we are falling in love, or are in love with someone is the amount of expectations we add to that. So, if the person doesn’t love us back or doesn’t love us like we expected we feel sad and heartbroken. But you also have to understand that you cannot love a person into loving you. I can totally understand that it hurts like hell if you fall in love with someone but they don’t reciprocate the feelings but if you accept this fact you will learn to move on easily. You will accept that you will find love just not with this person. That would set you free on many levels.
3. You can fall in love more than once
Before you start badgering me and proving me wrong on this, let me tell you my favorite quote by F. Scott Fitzgerald; “There are all kinds of love in the world but never the same love twice.” I’m not saying that you will fall in love the same as your first love. That is a totally different feeling and if you are lucky you would find love in the first go. But if you don’t you don’t need to be disheartened. You will eventually find the love that you deserve. So keep looking, don’t settle just because you got hurt. You have to find and take what is rightfully yours.
4. You can’t measure love
One of the major reasons why we stay unhappy even after finding love is because we start comparing it. We start comparing how much love and affection we show to what our partner shows. We start comparing our relationships to other relationships and that’s where we start losing the love we had right in our arms. You have to understand that love can’t be measured. Someone can gift you a Mercedes with no love and someone can gift you a rose with all the love he or she has. There is no measuring scale to measure love. So start accepting love with open heart and you’ll see how easy it is to be happy.
5. You have to love yourself first to let someone love you
This may sound cliche but it is the ultimate truth about love. Till you don’t learn how to love yourself you can’t expect another person to love you the way you would want. Most people try to search for a person thinking they are searching for love.They think that this person could make them happy. But you have to understand that unless you are happy alone you won’t be happy with someone no matter how good they are. Stop searching for a companion and start loving yourself. Only then you’ll learn how to find love out there.
6. There is never perfection in love
The ultimate happy ending is what we all focus on when we go out and search love. But there is never an ending, never a perfect love. Love, my friend is constant work. You don’t love someone when they make you happy and do things that make you feel great. You also love them when you feel like you would rip their heart out. Love doesn’t change according to moods. So there would never be a perfect love. Once you accept this you will be ready to work for it.
These are some of the things I have learned through my relationships and experiences. Hope it helps you get some clarity on love. If you like to add something please do it in the comments.
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