Do you still love her while she wants to be friends only? Do you want to get back to her? Would you be able to afford the price of loving her and seeing her with someone else? If the answers to all of these questions are in the affirmative, you are still blindly in love with this woman. You clearly cannot be just friends. While it might feel great that you have reconnected again, you will pave the way to hurt yourself if you give in to this friendship.
Should you be friends with your ex?
Can you be friends with her again? In my personal opinion, it never works if the spark is once lost at one end. You cannot forget the bond that you shared, the memories that you built. It will stay and whenever you get together, your mind will take you back to those days. Both the good and the bad.
Why does your ex want to be friends with you?
What makes her come back to you and propose being friends again? Does your ex love you still? What does your ex expect from you through this friendship? Here are a few possible reasons why she needs you back as her friend:
She just wants your emotional support: In this case, where she has specifically mentioned that she wants to be friends with you, you will get friend zoned. Is that a good place to be in? It is easier to share every problem with you because you once had an intimate connection but there will be no investment from her end. You are just the band-aid to her wound.
She is just bored: Being around you saves her from being all alone. She needs company but she is also picky. While all her love for you is lost, you are still her comfort zone. It is too much work to build a new connection again with a stranger.
She is treating you like her safety net: She has to fall back upon someone at the end of the day and you became a habit. She knows she can take risks with her love life with you as the last and ultimate option if nothing else works, is you. Basically, you are not her first choice anymore.
She won’t suffer the guilt much: If she was the one who cheated on you or hurt you some other way which is why you broke up, getting back as friends will soften her guilty conscience. She must have realised where she was mistaken and wants to make amends in her behaviour. At least, if not getting back with you again, she wants you to forgive her.
She needs to know what’s happening in your life: She is still obsessed about you even though she may not reconsider a relationship again. She wants to know if you have moved on. Who are you going out with? While cutting off all contacts will keep her out of bounds, being friends will ensure she gets to be around you and stay informed, at the very least.
Sex was good: Yeah, girls can come back to you surely for this reason as well. She is aware of what you feel for her but she is looking for some action only in the guise of a flaky friendship. You guys had good sex and she is too embarrassed to tell you that it is not working that well with anyone else. Basically, “friends with benefits” is what she is seeking.
Does your ex-girlfriend still love you?
If you are wondering whether there is still a chance to get back, it won’t be very hard to understand. If she loves you (whether or not she is direct about it), the signals will be clear. The care, the efforts, the attention, and her vulnerability will be visible. Women, though great at giving you mixed signals, find it hard to hide their emotions. Speak to her about it. There is no better way to know than communicating transparently. If her responses are cold, you have lost her affection.
How to get your ex-girlfriend back as your lover again?
Force doesn’t work in human connections. You either feel it or you don’t. While the options in such a case are limited, this is how you can deal with the situation effectively. What to do if your ex girlfriend still wants to be friends?
Don’t act desperate: More often than not, when your feelings for your lover haven’t faded away, even the smallest effort from their end feels too big. She isn’t doing you a favour. If you know your worth, you will know what we are talking about here.
Ask the tough questions at the onset: You will have to get through the dirt to come out at the other end of the tunnel. If you choose to procrastinate and leave it for tomorrow, you are just prolonging your attachment. If she is still in love with you and wants to have a chance back, she should be able to answer the following questions. Even if she is not, you should have this conversation right at the start so that there is clarity and you do not end up in the pit.
- “What do you expect from me? Do you only wish to be friends?”
- “Do you see something real taking shape through this connection?”
- “We have been there once. Will you be able to handle it if a similarly difficult situation arises like the last time?”
- “I accept my mistakes. I am willing to work on them. But I cannot change myself entirely to accommodate your whims. Is that fine with you?”
Clarify your thoughts: You will have to be able to let her know that being just friends is not an ideal situation for you guys. If the breakup is still fresh, it is even more dangerous because there was no time gap to heal the past hurt.
Walk away. If you sense a casual behaviour from her end (after you have put forward your thoughts about what you still feel for her), you should have enough respect for yourself to think straight. Don’t fall in the trap of mixed responses. Tell her that the only proposition that works for you with her is to date again and mend things that went down south the last time.
Hold your head high. What makes a man more appealing to any woman is when he is capable of standing his ground and live by it. If you act easy and give in to whatever is thrown at to you in bits and pieces, you will be taken for granted. This is where most men lose it. Okay, you may have been the one who hurt her and she left. You are human and this is nothing unique that has happened with you. The best you can do is apologise and commit to never repeating the wrong. But if your feelings still remain intact for her, it’s better to avoid giving in to being friends. If she comes back, great! If she doesn’t, you still have better people to meet in life, right?
While this is the hardest thing to do (knowing that you had at least a part of the one you love so dearly), there is no point going back to someone who will not invest in a real relationship with you. Being in a relationship limbo never did any good.